insomnia

i have really bad insomnia. this last week, it's amazing how little sleep i have had. as in, probably less than double digits. i think it's almost chronic insomnia. apparently chronic insomnia is when you have insomnia 3 or more times a week or something. let me tell you, it's more than 3 times a week at the moment.
for example, last night i was up until past 12am (midnight) moving furniture, and going through videos and dvds. we must've thrown out hundreds... then tossed and turned for hours, eventually got up and did homework (yes, 3, 4ish in the morning) and started re-typing my economics essay (using my laptop so i didn't wake anyone up). i got about 2 hours sleep after that.

today my best friends were all over. we had a big lunch (bbq, salads, etc etc) and had a go of jeux de boules. i love that game. it rocks. i think i liked it as soon as i saw french people doing it in jardin du luxembourg in paris. that was awe-si-um.
we also started watching team america. my mum has alfie (still in cinemas, yes, i know), spongebob movie, team america... oh, and others to keep.we also gave heaps of stuff away to my friends. we literally throw out and give away movies... it's fun.

anyway, i'm not going to church tonight. i have heaps of stuff to catch up on. that's all good though. i don't really feel like going, for reasons i'm not just going to say on this blog, and only my best friends will know.

i'm in a shit mood too, so if any of you so thinks i'm bragging, or sounding braggy, fuck off, i am not. there are many of the people i know who's blogs tend to reflect how great their lives work out to be, even though it's going shit. not mentioning any names now though... NEWS FLASH people - life IS fucking shit.

xo

i just re-read one of my old blogs. it was entitled "all i can do is try".
in reference to that, i believe things have changed a deal since that time.
for instance, i felt connected in some kind of way to the people at church. i don't feel that that much anymore and i've felt distanced from them. i was also going to small groups at that time! that was ages ago. that means i didn't have my job just yet back then. i haven't been to small groups for so long. lucky i'm starting again, in the wednesday group.
i feel closer than ever to my bestest best friends from school as well, and i love them all so much, they're like family to me.
i've also felt more together this year. my 'emotional state' is still all over the place at times and i tend to have smaller breakdowns, but not nearly as bad as it was last year.
thank goodness it's a new year, and to me, that's symbolic of a new beginning. not that my new year was a good start, turning up with a small hangover at work, but it's still symbolic!!
speaking of alcohol and being drunk etc, i couldn't go to the party tonight!!! (miles', for the people who know - ie my best friends). i'm so annoyed. so so SO annoyed. i have to work.

well, tig has just come into annoy me, and i may as well get my stuff ready for work.
toodle-oo, ash xo

countdown

45 days!!! yes!! only 45 more days to go!!!

let down

have you ever just felt really really let down with everything?
as in, stuff is going ok, then it just takes a turning.
like what the weather does sometimes - it's really nice and hot, then it becomes so overcast and rainy. not that i hate rainy weather but you get the idea.
or like when you're playing solitaire and you're going really well, but then one thing or one card screws you up and you lose.
that's how i feel at the moment. i was going fine, i didn't even mind about an economics test next thursday, or a 1200 word economics essay i just got, or even the essay due on tuesday i have to hand in. or maths which is really simple now. it's like advanced year 10. not even THOSE things bothered me. but it just takes one thing and things are screwed, and that one thing has hit me.

my mum has gone to a cooking class for busy people today. she's learning how to cook 'quick, healthy meals', because our family is so on the go and we hardly ever have time to have something 'wholesome'.

anyway, i worked out how to burn stuff on my laptop, and also put photos from my digital onto it as well. i feel so clever.

well, guess what? i quit thursdays at the restaurant, and now i just work fridays. AND i'm going to golf this arvo cuz i'm not working or babysitting and it's not bad weather! FINALLY!! i love golf. i get very frustrated, yes, i admit, but still, cromer is such a nice course. they're making it harder as well, with course redevelopments, and you have to get out of metre-high bunkers and hit over water. everyone give me golf balls for my birthday, cuz i'm going to lose A LOT of balls! lol

ash xo

http://chainreaction.cjb.net/
now go into that, then click on gallery. all of those are drawn by one of my best friends. ha. take that world.

now i was at out at dinner in manly with my family awhile ago and i mentioned the fact that i want to go on a round the world trip. dad said he spent thousands of thousands of dollars taking us places, only for us to spend thousands and thousands ourselves. i thought about that, and it makes sense in an odd way :P

in conclusion i'd rather spend all that money to go to italy and france again. just to see lake como at sunset again, and to see the eiffel tower sparkle all of it's lights late in the night...*sigh*

yucky

valentine's day is yucky. it's just another stupid day where people can try and redeem themselves for not giving their partner any attention or any presents or anything else that "shows them they love them". i mean, presents don't have to show someone you love them. that's just stupid thinking. it's nice to get them once in awhile, but hello!! that doesn't measure the relationship. AND if you finally give each other and your relationship attention on one day of the year, then don't you find that a little contradictory to the value of a relationship? i find it utterly stupid and i could go on, but then again, maybe i won't - i'll spare you all.
and anyway, i DO NOT want to get up in front of the whole school and accept my rose/s thankyou very much!

just a few points of interest

i really love green tea - just thought i'd start off by sharing that with you.

we had a study day today. that was a lot of fun. i got some good tips out of it, a lot of laughs and some much needed de-stress activities. too bad i have work tonight, so all that de-stressing is going to be needed again.
work is ok. but only ok. working in a mostly non-english speaking establishment is hard, and i know sheri can back me up on this one.

i can't wait until the weekend. i may be going to a party, and i may be getting back to golf. depends if it raining, and what time the party is. so yes, should be good.

i was walking home the other day, i think it was tuesday, and as i did, i got thinking: how lucky we are to be in these conditions, in such a good freedom-loving country, and be safe as well, and even the environment. it was a sunny day, it was nice and warm, we've got parks and trees and people walking freely down the street. even our economy is going well - the best it's been in actual fact. i just thought i'd throw that in, as i'm actually really really enjoying economics - touch wood.

well, i need to go finish printing something out, and get ready for work - groan. lol - no just kidding... slightly.

xo

i've just realised i'm not that sure how to plug in my laptop to a power source. not that i've looked, but i can't be bothered and i probably won't be able to do it anyway. i've been using it on battery, but now that that's run out, well, i have to charge it don't i?

wednesday was fun. i got totally drenched when i ran out and stayed in the rain for awhile.i love rain. in the holidays nat and i found some really really old home videos when i was like, 2 and 3 and stuff, and some of the footage was me running around in the rain and jumping in puddles.

first week of school was pretty good. our legal studies class has 7 people!!
nat, louise, james, me, 2 icet students and bec. go us!
mock trial should be interesting too.

i have babysitting tonight as well which should be cool. the kids are awesome.

i'm going to have a cup of tea now. tata xo

i just decided to write a bit of an update on moi...

i know it's just the first couple of days back, but i'm liking school at the moment. i like my subjects, i like the fact i'm walking home, i like extension english and i really like all my teachers.

in ext. english today we got our book that we're reading. "the modern prometheus", or for those who are uneducated, frankenstein by mary shelley. ext english today was very intriguing and i got lots of new ideas out of it.

lol, i went back to fencing yesterday and i figured out i'm rather rusty. i wasn't allowed to do it for ages when i split my ear open, went once and then it was holidays.. i was VERY rusty. lol.
BUT i did learn that drinking water to sports drinks has a ratio of 3:1. as in 3 bottles of water to every 1 bottle of sports drink, as sports drinks have lots of added stuff and isn't as beneficial as water.

i'm going to go and start reading my book. tata xo